I write and talk a lot about the need to give unselfishly and unconditionally of ourselves to others.  There are people I know, who cringe whenever I get on this topic.  But, this attitude is critical for us to adopt and practice in our daily lives in order for us to heal each others and our own emotional wounds. 

When committed partners break their own denials and become mentally and emotionally available, amazing things happen.  When we stop the inner cycle of conflict we understand how our perspectives and reactivity stop us from loving the person we want to love.  When we finally surrender to the power of awareness, we are present in the moment.  This is when we cross the bridge.  This is when we are free and our soul is at peace.

Normally, we associate giving of ourselves as a spiritual experience.  When we give our love to our partner unselfishly and unconditionally, the gifts we give can transform our relationship and our lives.  Unfortunately, this is not the power of giving I am thinking about right now.

I have had a new awareness I would like to share with you.  I have realized there is a negative side to giving.  There is a fine line between giving of ourselves to others and giving our power away.  This new awareness resonated with me deeply and I believe a lot of us make this mistake many times in our lives.  I know I have and it has caused me and other people many problems and much pain.  Hey, what can I say, I am just another fish in the fishbowl.  But recently, I have made a conscious choice to reclaim my personal power concerning a particular situation in my life.

When we give our power away, we allow our thoughts to shape our path.  We blame other people and external events, instead of looking within ourselves.  When we are in denial, our fears permeate our thoughts; we create unrealistic expectations and distorted perspectives.  All of you, who know me or have read my book, know that I talk about reactivity as one of the major causes of relationship failures.  It is also the cause of the conflicted relationship we have within ourselves.

Giving our power away is a form of reactivity.  Unconsciously we are looking through the lens of past pain or future anxiety.  We create distorted perspectives and unrealistic expectations that someone has to do something or some kind of external event must happen.  We then make the choice to allow someone else’s decisions or external events, whether real or perceived, to control our actions.  That is giving your personal power away.

When we give our power away, we are not listening to our inner voice.  We are not living an authentic life based on our own personal values and principles.  This path will only perpetuate our inner cycle of conflict and we will receive in return exactly the things we need to fuel that vicious cycle.  In essence, we find ourselves inside that all too familiar toxic bunker that we think protects us from the emotional evils of the world.  When we give our power away, our soul can never be at peace.

So, today, I ask you to percolate on this question.  What is your inner voice telling you that you should do or stop doing that you have resisted, that you know you have been avoiding, that will bring peace to your soul? 

Now, with awareness, respect and gratitude, reclaim your inner personal power and be the ultimate determiner of your destiny.  Be in the moment and feel the stillness that comes from being free of fear.

©2008 – All rights reserved – Glenn Cohen

“I-TO-WE”™ Relationship Coaching / www.i-to-we.org

Glenn Cohen is a certified relationship coach and the author of The Journey from “I-TO-WE” .  He coaches individuals, couples and works with companies across the country.  He conducts workshops, speeches and seminars for companies, civic, religious organizations and other associations regarding how to Create Emotionally Intelligent Relationships at home, at work, and within the self.  He trains coaches, healthcare professionals, religious counselors, and corporations on the use of his program.  You may contact him at 843-852-9828 or his website, www.i-to-we.org